On the lighter side...

Since my last post was so depressing, here are some funny things I have seen on the internet this week...

Overboard

I feel like I have been thrown into the middle of the Pacific Ocean, and I am drowning.  I don't know where to begin.

Wow, Stephanie...melodramatic much?  Your kid doesn't have cancer, AIDS, or some other incurable and horrifying disease...he isn't dying.  He doesn't need a feeding tube.  He doesn't need a wheelchair.

And yet, I still want to mourn the loss.  I still need to be angry and sad.  I've done denial.  Then maybe I can I will move to acceptance. 


Can I also say that I hate the fact that the amount of therapy my child receives is based on what my insurance company decides...

Expect the unexpected...

Yesterday I got some expected, yet still devastating news.  My middle son has Asperger’s syndrome, and (as of right now) has low average to borderline intellectual functioning.

Wow that felt weird, typing that.

I was expecting Asperger’s.  I started researching three years ago, trying to figure out my son’s violent mood swings, not really talking, parallel play, OCD tendencies, and severe anxiety.  His (then) pediatrician said nothing was wrong, so I took him to Jefferson Parish School District’s Early Intervention.  After testing him, they told me “child has no exceptionalities, and is a little slow”. 

I’m not kidding.  That is an actual quote from the summary of a 12 page report.

At this point I think I must be crazy or stupid for being (what feels like) the only person who sees something wrong with his behavior and being behind on hitting milestones.  I am told not to compare my children, but I can’t help it.  My oldest child hit all of his milestones.  He was never violent with us or other children.  He could speak clearly.  He didn’t have nuclear meltdowns in public when overwhelmed.

So I got on a (five month) waiting list to see a pediatrician that specializes in behavior.  After her evaluation, she diagnosed him with: OCD, Severe Anxiety, Social Anxiety, Selective Mutism, and (with reservations) Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified (which is a term on the Autism Spectrum for children who don’t quite fit anywhere else).

I say with reservations, because even this doctor did not truly believe he had Autism, but admitted that if she gave him that classification more doors would be open for him.  Of course she sort of implied that in her report, so later that would bite me in the ass.

Her recommendation?  Go back to Early Intervention, show them this report and get him in school ASAP.  She believed that once he was in school, surrounded by other kids he would start behaving like those kids, and in a few years these disorders would just go away. Ok.  Maybe she was right, and everything will get better soon.

On the first day of Pre-K, I was asked by the SPED administrator why my son needed to be in SPED, as the report from Early Intervention said there were no exceptionalities.  Huh?  I had already gone back to EI and given them the doctor’s report.  I was then told that they don’t like to label kids and that is why they said he had no exceptionalities, but since another doctor said so, they would amend their report.  Except they didn’t.  And now I look like an idiot to the school administration. 

Seriously?  I just want my son to get an education.  At this point he was 4 years old and not toilet trained (trust me, not for lack of trying), he spoke in short, hard to understand phrases, and almost constantly sucked his thumb because he was having panic attacks.  And everyone keeps telling me that if he just goes to school everything will resolve itself.

Well 2 years later and everything is not all better.  Sure, he is now toilet trained, and he speaks better, and has friends. 

However he still has some issues.  He can’t be in a store more than 20 minutes without having a “fit” (a panic attack).  He constantly repeats things.  He can’t use the toilet without getting permission first (it has to be a verbal conformation, and trust me, he will stand there and continue to ask until someone tells him it is ok to go).  He has an extremely limited diet (corndogs, cereal, and other beige things).  As I type this, he has repeatedly asked me to change my shirt (pj top with penguins on it) because it is bothering him.  He only wears shirts with collars and buttons (think polo style).  He has obsessions (trains, his Nintendo DS, etc).  He can barely hold a pencil and write his name, and he cannot read even sight words, and yet will be entering the 1^st grade in a few weeks.

So I decided to have him re-evaluated to see what to do next.  I decided to take him to a highly recommended clinical psychologist (what I should have done 3 years ago, but I didn’t know to).

After her evaluation, which took three 1 hour sessions, we met yesterday to discuss everything.

The first thing she said was that she didn’t understand how certain people missed his clearly Asperger’s related behavior.  She went on to say that the people (by this I mean official people, doctors, teachers etc) who told me over and over that he was fine or would simply get better on his own one day are either stupid or passing him along to someone else.  At that moment, I swear I wanted to leap out of my seat and hug her.  You don’t know what it is like to have seemingly educated people tell you over and over that everything is fine.

She then gave her exact diagnosis, Asperger’s, is a “slow learner”, and is at risk of ADD.

I expected Asperger’s.  The description fit, the symptoms fit.  I just needed someone to acknowledge it.  I was not expecting the below average intelligence or rather “slow learner” diagnosis.

As a mother, I see the best in my boys.  My middle son is so logical (in T-ball he refused to run all the bases because he knew that he was eventually going to run from 3^rd base to home anyway).  He is an artist (I have mounted and framed two pieces of his work from school because I find them so beautiful).  He is very skilled on a computer for someone his age.  Sure, he is having trouble in school.  I always assumed that that was his stubbornness much more than his ability.

The doctor does believe that he can get caught up, with ABA therapy, that he can be trained to function just like everyone else, but it is going to be a long road ahead of us.

It isn’t going to just get better with going to school.

Who brings their pet to a buffet?!

Last week my family got together and decided to go to Golden Corral.  I know, I know...that was our first mistake!

I know people complain about Walmart and all the unwashed masses (frankly our Walmarts aren't that bad, but maybe I AM one of the unwashed masses...) but THIS place is what I imagine Walmart haters see.
First, walking in I immediately felt over dressed in my jeans and blouse.  I didn't know that the proper attire was clothing that is too tight, see through, or visibly dirty.  Second, let me just say, for a restaurant where you are supposed to get up and down to go to the buffet, the tables are sooooo close together!  I hit a lady with the high chair as I was trying to squeeze past to get to my table.

So we are there, and we are me and my husband, our 3 kids(7, 6, and 1), my mom and her husband and his grand daughter(2), and my uncle and his daughter and her friend(both 10).  The kids are eating, well all of the kids except for my middle son, who is eating cotton candy....Why is their cotton candy on the buffet?
                 Yes my 6 year old ate cotton candy for dinner at this place.  He has Autism and doesn't like most restaurants.  My husband gave him the cotton candy to prevent a melt down.  I saw you shitheads staring at us and I don't give a fuck.  Better he quietly ate cotton candy than loudly had a full melt down...which you then would be staring at the horrid parents who can't control their kids!

Anyway, The food was mostly lukewarm, greasy, and unappetizing to look at let alone eat.  Not to mention someone really smelled bad near the buffet and that just threw me off....
As we were finishing up a family walks in and sits behind us.  My mom then says "That lady has a dog with her!"

I, trying not to make snap judgements at weird things I see, said "Well maybe it is a working dog...You know like a seeing eye dog, but for anxiety or seizures..."  My mom starts laughing at me, having never heard of such things.  I finally get a look at said family and the dog is licking the table!  It is now obvious that his is not a working dog(they are trained to behave better, and it wasn't wearing a vest)!

Well that just put the cherry on the top of the sundae that was this meal!

We high-tailed it out of there so fast!  The strange thing was that this lady was giving everyone this look like they were so out of line to stare at the crazy lady who BROUGHT HER DOG TO A BUFFET AND LET IT LICK THE TABLE!


eww eww eww!

Stitch is troubled...he needs desserts!

Yesterday I mentioned that two of my kids have "labels".  My oldest son has ADHD and my middle son is on the Autism Spectrum.  It has been a VERY long road....

It started the day he was born.  He came into this world on a Wednesday, six years ago this month, around 12:15pm; he was SCREAMING and PISSED OFF!  He was born via C-section, 10 months after Hurricane Katrina devastated our area.  From giving birth 20 months prior, I could really tell how Katrina affected this particular hospital.  In 2004 when I delivered, also via C-section, there were at least 8 nurses in the OR...fast forward to 2006 and there were only 4.  I could tell they were overworked, tired, and not very nurturing.  I let it go.

For those of you who have never had a C-section, the baby comes out, they clean him up, I get to kiss his head, before they rush him to the nursery to weigh and measure and put him in a warm bed for observation.  They try to bring the baby back as soon as possible, and with my oldest it was well under 2 hours.

Unless they think something is wrong...

I was in recovery, waiting for my baby and waiting to be moved to my room.  My family was in and out, saying how cute he was and how much he looked like my husband.  2 hours go by.  A nurse comes in and says that I should be moved to my room any minute now....Um Ok, what about my baby??  "Oh...no one told you?"  "Told me what?" says me trying very hard not to freak out.  "Oh...the baby was having trouble breathing, so they took him for an X-Ray and I think they put him on oxygen."

WHAT?  Was no one going to let me know this?  What the hell??

So I get moved to my room, with no baby.  Another 2 hours go by, and NO ONE WILL TELL ME ANYTHING.  I call the nursery and I am told they are still running tests and observing him...they will let me know when they know.

Another 3 hours go by just like this.  At this point my legs are still numb from surgery and I still had a catheter in, so it isn't like I can just hop on down to the nursery myself.  Visitors have been in and out and they all say the same thing, "We saw him in the nursery and he is the big baby boy who won't stop screaming."
I look at my husband and I tell him in my most serious, Momma Bear voice "YOU are GOING to go GET MY SON or YOU will GET A NURSE and wheelchair to BRING me there MYSELF!"  My husband left the room, and minutes later I could hear a screaming baby being wheeled down the hall.  My husband said he didn't have to go far as they were bringing him just then.

As soon as I picked him up he stopped screaming.

Just like that.

From that moment on, whenever he needed something (food, diaper change, etc) he wouldn't grunt, or fuss, or whine...he would go straight to screaming.  It would take us years to figure out that he is wired a little different, and to finally get a diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder- Not Otherwise Specified(PDD-NOS), and later Asperger's.

I have had to change so much of how I thought about parenting to be able to parent him properly.  It has made me more tolerant of others(at least I hope it has), and I am trying not to make snap judgements about people.

And because I am a total Disney freak, I will call him refer to him as Stitch...

Lilo to Stitch: "This is your badness level. It's unusually high for someone your size. We have to fix that."

I don't care that the Blue Power Ranger has an Octozord...

Two of my kids have labels.  I don't like the term special needs.  All of my kids are special and all of them have needs.  Ugh.  My oldest has recently been diagnosed with ADHD.  He is 7, so I kept telling myself that he was acting like a 7 year old.  Very active, very talkative 7 year old.  He loves to talk.  He gets that from me.  I can't help myself.  I have to fill silent gaps, and I don't do it well. 


A few weeks ago, I was getting my nails done with my bestie....a rare treat.  At one point I turn to her and I say "Did you know that the Tower of Terror is a mauve-y brown color because you can see the backside of it in the background of the Moroccan pavilion if you are looking from across the World Showcase Lagoon!?"

WHO THE FUCK CARES?!

Anyway, back to my 7 year old who does the same thing but instead of random Disney trivia, it is some new theory he has on the Power Rangers....His teacher calls me in January to let me know he CAN NOT SIT STILL in class.  I agree, I have noticed it at home, etc, and I ask her if she thinks we should get him tested for ADD/ADHD?  She sighed with relief and was glad that I brought it up because most of the parents she has this conversation with curse her out...WTF?  Seriously people, these teachers(at least most of them) are just trying to do their jobs and the LEAST we can do is NOT curse them out!

So I tell my husband we need to take oldest son to get evaluated and his first response is a very defensive "He's only 7!"  Ok, so I decide to sit on the issue for now and see how it goes.  Well fast forward to March and things are getting worse and not better.  So I made the appointment.

After spending 45 minutes with my child the (highly recommended, by several different sources) doctor comes out to speak with me.  With very wide eyes she says "My evaluation is only half way completed, but yes he ABSOLUTELY has some form of ADD."  She went on to explain later that within minutes of their meeting he started pacing the room.  When asked to name 3 wishes, at the 3rd wish he trailed off and started talking about her clock....lol.

So now we are in the process of trying out medications to find the right one.  This particular 7 year old is playing this to the nth degree...

Staring.....Me

I have to remind myself that this is NOT a Lifetime movie, and is just my life!  I am a 29 year old wife and mom to 3 boys.  My boys are 7, 6, and 1.  I love all things Disney, Glee, and cake decorating.  I love movies.  When I was little and wanted to escape, I used to imagine that life was just a movie....sometimes an overly dramatic, with ridiculous plot twists Lifetime movie!  Any moment it was going to be the 3rd act and everything was going to be OK!

Well, this is NOT a movie....