Every year for my wedding anniversary, my husband and I like to have a night out. Earlier this year we discussed maybe spending a night or two in New Orleans. We never do the touristy stuff since we live in the 'burbs...so I thought it might be fun. Dinner, dancing, Bourbon St...you get the idea. Not only would we be celebrating our anniversary, but also our 30th birthdays...which happen in the next few weeks.
In March, my husband came home one day and said "What about Disney World this fall?" Well, anyone who knows me, knows that those are words I long to hear! For some women it's roses and jewelery, for me it's Mickey Mouse and It's A Small World...So anyway, he goes on to say that it will probably be a few years until we can go again, and we have a lot to celebrate/escape from. Of course I start my mad planning, which I will blog about later, and we decide to not do our night in the city.
Then my husband starts working some crazy hours. Like 84 hours a week for the last 2 1/2 months!
It's not too bad, except I have been alone with 3 children almost all summer. 3 children that include a toddler hitting his 'terrible two's' and 2 kids with extra needs.
About a month ago, my husband can tell I am stressed out, and we decide to take our night in the city anyway. So I booked a room and made arrangements for the kids to stay at my dad's house.
Everything is good to go, and then I get a call this week from my aunt and uncle. They want to keep my oldest son for that weekend. They are his godparents and from time to time they will take him overnight.
Not a problem.
Later on while discussing it with my mom, she made a comment that set me off. She said something to the effect of "I wish I could have had K (my oldest) this weekend!" I started to tear up and I said "I hope one day people fight over A (my middle son) like they do K (my oldest)!"
I feel like everyone jumps at the chance to have my oldest son sleep over or spend the weekend, always with the promise that next time will be A by himself, or both boys...
At the beginning of summer, another relative had K sleep over, with the promise that in 2 weeks it would be A's turn. A never got his turn...
A few weeks ago another relative wanted K to sleep over, while I took A and the baby to the Mississippi Coast for the weekend. Again with the promise that next time would be A's turn.
Do you know how difficult this is on A??? How it hurts his feelings??? He gets it. He knows that K get to do things that he does not.
I get it. K is the "easy" kid. A is more challenging. He only eats certain things, he is hard to understand sometimes, and if a trigger is set off he could have a meltdown. The older A gets, the easy he has gotten. He understands how he is expected to behave out of our home. The excuse used to be that he wasn't potty trained. Well he has been potty trained for 7 months now.
So now Saturday comes around, and I have to prepare my son for sleeping at Nana and Pop's house, without his big brother.
"Where is K going?"-A
He is going to his Nanny's house.
"I want go too! We were supposed to go camping!!"-A
A few weeks ago, this relative promised both boys he was going to take them camping...well life has happened, and he hasn't taken them....so of course, A who doesn't forget anything, is upset because he thinks K is going camping and he isn't. PLEASE DON'T EVER PROMISE KIDS THAT YOU WILL DO SOMETHING UNTIL IT IS DEFINITE OR HAPPENING IN THE NEAR FUTURE! I get that shit happens, but children don't understand, ESPECIALLY children with extra needs like Asperger's!!!!!
So of course, 2 hours before he goes to my dad's house, he has a meltdown. He doesn't want to go there. He wants to stay with K. Repeat those last sentences, 40 or so times, while screaming, for an hour....
What am I supposed to tell him? "I'm sorry A, they promise next time it's your turn.."
This.
This is what I have to deal with, when my kid feels left out...
Now I have people telling me that it's good for the older boys to be separated at times. I agree. I just want people to realize that it isn't fair to always pick K.
What's going to happen when the baby is potty trained and older? Is A going to get a turn then, or is he going to have to watch as people around us choose both of his brothers over him?
Once I calmed him down and he got to Nana's house he was ok. He had a great time, and so did we. I know that this too shall pass...I just hope that as A grows up, he and others realize that his differences don't make him less, they make him...him.
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